- I resolve to shave my head more frequently. Sometimes I get busy or lazy and leave it go for almost a week. Then it gets too stubbly and looks like shit to me.
- I resolve to keep my beard trimmed to a civilized level and not let it get to the point of “dude, what the fuck is that on your face?”
- I resolve to not buy one pound of grass fed meat unless the prices of that meat come down to decent levels. When you pay my bills, then preach to me from your pulpit about how much better it is for you despite it being 10 dollars a pound for ground beef.
- I resolve not to change for anyone unless I want to, this is easy because I don’t do that anyway.
- I resolve not to be that “yes” man online and verbally agree with everything, like everything, cheerlead people I don’t like because its the right thing to do or any of that nonsense ass-kissers do. I will leave that up to the ball washers of the world. I wash my own balls, thank you.
- I resolve to utilize social networking for its true purpose; drawing attention to myself, trolling and having fun. Anyone who criticizes another for that is a special kind of hypocritical asshole and probably does the same thing anyway but is too much of a bitch to admit it.
- I resolve to call a spade a spade. Period. It doesn’t matter if you compete, don’t compete or how strong you are. Opinions are valid when well presented and listened to, but if your point is clearly wrong, I have no problem saying it is. If that makes me an asshole, so be it, but at least I’m not an asskisser.
- I resolve to eat more peanut butter. I kind of slacked on that lately and I think peanut farmers are getting pissed at me.
Now that I read these, they really aren’t resolutions, they are things I already do.
Take your resolutions and shove them up your ass, improve yourself always or get passed over in life. Be better than you were last week or regress. The choice is yours.
Good luck with 2014, it owes you nothing… go and fucking take it.
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