The week after Christmas in the gym

This is the week of family, food, presents, trees, lights, carols, horrible sweaters, annoying uncles, drunk relatives and shit you have to return to the store to get the size that fits.

This is also the week where the gym is going to be full of these types of people:

1. The “I ate too much food so 2 hours of cardio will make me feel better”

Chances are you are underfed to begin with. Studies have shown that cardio bunnies eat as much food as a war-torn-nation famished child. I think I read that in the NSCA newsletter at one point in my life, don’t quote me on that one.

One day of eating like a fat pig isn’t going to make you gain 15 pounds you can’t lose. Chances are if you gained some weight, its mostly water weight from the abundance of carbs. Deal with it and don’t try to lose it all in one day.

2. The “I got a new supplement so time to train harder” type.

Usually from a skinny kid who thinks that taking Tribulus is going to jack his testosterone up 500% in two days. These people will be half-repping even harder than before hoping that this supplement endorsed by a bodybuilding champ on more drugs than an 80 year old woman hanging to her last breath will help them.

It won’t. Tell mom next time to buy you food for a present, at least that’s proven to work.

3. The “I hate my family, I am going to lift all day”

These are the ones that are there at noon on Christmas day because they would rather lift for 4 hours than go home to spend time with that crazy uncle. I feel bad for these types, but look at it from their point of view, would you rather lift or deal with that uncle telling stories about his fishing trip for the 15th year in a row.

I’d lift too.

4. The diehards

Nothing stops them. Snow, hurricane, ice, holidays. Nothing. They are there training before family gets there and never miss a beat. They are the ones that you know are going to be there whether or not the gym has a sale, whether or not its summer-get-your-obese-ass-in-shape season or whether or not the Governor of your state issued a state of emergency and ordered everyone to stay off the roads.

5. The “I didn’t cheat a bit on Christmas Day” people

These are the worst ones. Every gym has them. They are Satan in flesh form. These are the ones that take pics of their chicken and veggies on Christmas day and tag #cleaneating #contestprep #eatcleantraindirty even though their next contest is 6 months away.

Fuck those people. Your family thinks you are crazy because you can’t just relax and eat a cookie for one day. Nobody is telling you that you have to go apeshit and eat like Joey Chestnut, but one goddamn cookie isn’t going to derail you. Two won’t either.

These people need to be shunned because there is a good chance they are aliens.

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