Fuck the healthy part of it, forget the appearance of looking at yourself in the mirror and saying “goddamn I look good”, forget the selfies we post online that show off what we created. How about the obscure shit you didn’t think about? Well, I am here to set your asses straight with the REAL cool shit that happens when you lift… and eat better.
1. Old Navy pants fit better.
Usually I gotta hunt my balls off to find a pair of workable jeans that fit my legs, my ass AND my waist. Usually one of them is sized wrong as shit… but alas I have found the motherlode (at least for myself). Old Navy jeans. Cheap, decent looking and don’t have that western redneck shitbag look like Wranglers.
They aren’t too loose, aren’t too tight to make me look like I am a skinny jean wannabe and they are pretty damn affordable.
They may not fit YOU, but they fit me for some reason. I can’t buy Levis to save my life and dress pants are like throwing darts at a moving target, but Old Navy jeans are a 57 Chevy to me. Classic and timeless.
2. Fitted shirts are actually fitted.
I have a pet peeve, its baggy sleeves on teeshirts. I like my shit form fitting to an extent. I work fucking hard for what I look like so I am going to wear shirts that look good on me.
Enter fitted shirts.
No, not Affliction, not Ed Hardy, not Deaththrone or whatever the fuck those trendy assholes are wearing. I am talking classic fitted shirts.
You know the kind, the ones that skinny dudes wear and look all fucked up because you know it SHOULD be fitted, but isn’t.
On us, it looks the part. On them, they look like they just raided their dad’s closet.
Its like the old joke:
A kid walks up to a construction site for a job. The foreman hands him an XL shirt and says, “here, fill this out and come back”. *rimshot*
3. Cheat meals are fucking gold
If you follow any sort of eating plan that requires discipline other than the see-food diet, you recognize the value of a good cheat day. Not too often or they lose their point, but they are something to truly treasure.
If you are overweight, don’t even think about it just yet, you need to have a cheat snack, not a cheat day. In fact have a cheat nothing until your ass is getting into shape.
But if you are in shape and you take a day to really blow up the food… the pump, the vascularity, the swole, the waking up and seeing veins. Goddamn its physique orgasm. Makes you want to walk around wearing underwear ALL DAY just to show off, but that’s a little retarded being that most of us have to work, but you know you want to.
4. People ask for diet and training advice.
Ok this sucks. Nothing more annoying than some random person who you know DAMN WELL isn’t going to follow it to ask you about dieting and training advice.
And then expect a free answer.
Fuck you, pay me.
5. You can eat MORE
Lean muscle mass up.
More food. Period.
While Sally soccer mom who does Zumba is eating a salad with 2 ounces of lean fish because that’s what Dr. Oz fucking said to do, you are eating a one pound steak with some potatoes.
Why? Because your body needs it, that’s why.
Sure you will spend more on food, but that means you will spend less on shit that means little, like Weight Watchers…
6. You can shave your body without looking like you are terminally ill
No offense here, but I gotta be me.
Only a few types of people can do this and not look like they are sick.
Sure, you have the “if you don’t have hair, you look stupid”, or the “real men don’t shave” bullshit crowd.. yea well fuck you too.
I don’t like bodyhair, never really did (face is an exception). But as a large dude who lifts I can pull it off and not look like a moron.
You may not like it, and I may not care, but more people will say to me “are you a bodybuilder” (which is a whole other type of pet peeve for me) than will say “I’m sorry”.
Add some of your own…
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Join the Ashman Strength Facebook Page.
Check out Pump, Dump, and Hump; a fitness group based around health, lifting, and sexuality run by my wife and myself.
To inquire about training, contact us for more information.