Things you hear as a “personal trainer” that make you want to kick things

  • I need to get in shape first before I come to you.

The whole idea to hiring me is TO get you in shape. I heard this once from a guy at my old gym on Long Island, I am sure you heard it yourself.

He took it to another level.

And I quote, “I am not worthy to train with you, I need to be in shape first”.

Yes, he went there… as a PT manager selling packages, I did NOT even know what to say to that. I can comeback with most sales objections, but this one stumped even me.

Two hours later he was in Zumba class.

No shit.

  • Can we make this harder? I am not sore enough.

Sure, we can make it harder, that way your out of shape ass will cancel after a week.

How about we be smartz about this and work you UP to a level where more volume and harder workouts work. After all, you won’t look like a figure competitor in a week when you stuffed your ass with Doritos for 5 years.

  • Its how much?

Its not cheap, then again neither is your electric bill from watching TV all night, surfing the net, hanging on Pinterest, eating processed food, buying that Lexus when a Honda will do just fine.

Its your choice, status symbols and mindless entertainment, or walk around looking like a fucking champ.

  • I can’t afford you anymore. (but can afford to eat out 3 days a week)

I understand some people have financial issues, and I am one of those trainers that feels each person out that way. I firmly believe we are a luxury but that some people really do need help. I have given away sessions, charged less and hooked people up if I feel they are serious and they aren’t that well off. It pays off with referrals.

But…

If I know you are living well and pull that I can’t afford you shit, you ain’t getting a break.

  • I read in a magazine….

I burned a magazine once.

Next.

  • I can’t eat like THAT!

Yes you can, you are just too damn lazy to do it. You don’t have to deep fry chicken nuggets 5 days a week, its just as easy to buy a George Foreman grill, get some chicken tenderloins, marinate them in some healthy oil with spices and slap those bitches on the grill.

Hell, you want to go further, buy a crockpot, a rotisserie oven, or even that damn Nu-wave oven.

Set it and forget it you lazy bastard.

  • (Calls to cancel) I can’t make it today, I (insert lame excuse not having to do with a family emergency or a car breaking down here).

If you are sick, cool. Your kid is sick, cool. Your car broke down, late at work, cool.

If your kid is sick 3 times a week, cancel me entirely, you are either a raging liar or your kid needs severe medical help.

If you cancel because you are sore, you are a pussy.

  • What supplements do I take?

Lean meat, chicken, fish, veggies, healthy grains (Paleo can kiss my ass), rice, nuts, seeds.

Want more?

Protein powder (Whey isolate), fish oil and a decent multi that isn’t hyped up as the next best thing since the invention of the wheel.

I hear this a LOT. Almost daily to be exact. Supplements supplement, then again I am preaching to the choir hear, but damn people… nothing replaces food.

As trainers and coaches, we hear stuff that makes us want to punt seals across a room, but we smile and tell them the truth in the most gentle way possible. Sure, you can be like me and tell it as it is, but if you work for a corporate gym you will be called into the manager’s office several dozen times…

Learn how to deal with insane questions, most of the time the people asking them really don’t know.

Insert cheesy ad copy below:

Once again, slap the vein to buy the book
Once again, slap the vein to buy the book

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